The B-Man has invited me to SF to attend the annual competition for the King and Queen of Bay Area gay rodeo. This is an event sponsored by the Golden State Gay Rodeo Association, Bay Area Chapter. The rodeo royal court does a lot of community work, just like the regular imperial court.

Tina TiaraThe event takes place at the Cathedral Hill Hotel. As we enter the ballroom, the MC is reading the bios of the judges. Currently, he’s talking about Tina Tiara. Her hair is about two feet tall; her tiara is about three feet tall. I decide to go have a cigarette. I return 10 minutes later. The MC is still reading Tina’s bio. After about five minutes, he wraps it up by saying she wrote it herself. Tina, you go, girl!

Before the competition, the past Queens take the stage to perform a number. My favorite was the Queen passing on her crown: Randy Thunderbird. She enters wearing a beautiful red, white, and blue spangly gown and lip-syncs a patriotic Dolly Parton number. I applaud heartily: USA #1! She then begins her next number. At the finale, she whips off her wig and throws it to the ground. I almost explode with joy. I say to The B-Man, who’s never been to a royal court competition, “That’s classic! What she did was classic!” He just looks bemused.

As her well-deserved thunderous applause dies down, she asks, “Encore? Did someone say encore?” The crowd looks around at one another. None of us did. No encore is performed.

The crowd is dressed very country-western. That is, until four men walked in–not wearing cowboy hats, but white construction helmets. Suddenly, the event went from Marlboro Country to Village People. All I could think about was the conversation that led to their outfits:

Gay 1: Everyone’s going to be dressed like cowboys.
Gay 2: That is sooooo tired! What else is butch, yet still wears hats?
Both: Construction workers!

From This: To This:
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Royal Highness What's Her NameIt’s time for the competition to begin. However, there is no competition because their was only one contender for Queen, and one for King. Shortest competition I’ve ever been to. I’m expecting the Queen to be in drag, especially since the previous ones were. I’m wrong–the new GSGRABAC Queen is a real woman. Unfortunately, I didn’t catch her or the King’s name and their website hasn’t been updated with it yet. When they do, I’ll update this entry.

Long live the Queen and King of GSGRABAC! Whoever they are.