Princess Kennedy had her birthday party at Trannyshack last night, just like she’s done for the last ten years. It was also kind of Good-bye and Good Luck to her as well as she’s moving to L.A. on Friday. Some fabulous job modeling, or something. See, Princess K is Fabulous (note the capital F) and the whole world knows it. She was in Club Inferno playing Durga and she was, well, Fabulous. Everyone wishes her all the best and we’ll all say “Aloha” for now.

Okay, here’s the reason Kelley Gurl hates Kennedy so much: because she’s beautiful. Look at her! Hello, Gorgeous! And she’s smart, and sassy, and funny, and talented, and she can sing and write music, and dance, and she’s glamorous, and everyone loves her. It makes Kelley want to eat beetles.

The theme for tonight’s show was Southern Decadence and who knows what would show up, however, being Trannyshack, one thing was for sure: Big Scary Drag Queens.

The biggest and scariest one of them all, Kelley, came by to pick me up. She insisted on coming up to the condo where she promptly poured herself a Scotch and water and then got all sloppy and was pawing all over The B-Man. God bless him; he is so patient with her. And even though I know so many messy, ugly, ugly queens, I know he still loves me.

Ethel Merman and Leslie Jordan (of Will and Grace) were performing that night. I don’t know where Kelley was during their time on stage, but when she came back, her breath smelled like Axe Body spray.

The fierce Valentine knows, like any smart girl knows, that the secret to a good T-shack performance is plenty of fried food right before you go on stage. Kelley complimented her on the cellulite detailing of her fat suit, only she wasn’t wearing a suit. And that’s how Kelley ended up with a chicken bone in her wig.

We left after Heklina, our hostess, called Kelley “disturbing.” We drove home and she wanted to come up and say good-night to The B-Man. She lurched towards our bed to kiss him good-bye, but missed since he was sitting on the couch at the time. Then she kind of passed out, I guess.

Happy birthday, Kennedy!
You are going to totally bring Fabulousness back to the City of Angels.

Oh my gosh, I sure am thankful for The B-Man putting up with me and my friends.