The B-Man and I went to Milwaukee to visit some old friends of his, Ron and Bobby, who quickly became my new friends. I find people from the Midwest to be friendly and generous and thoughtful and funny.

Apparently our hosts were the ones that taught these traits to everyone else. Dang, they sure took grand care of us. I’m just saying one thing: chocolate on our pillows at night! Their place was elegant and beautiful and I felt at home right away. I knew this was going to be one wonderful weekend.

Then I found Briter.

A friend of ours was supposedly watching him and the cats back at home, but Briter somehow managed to stow himself away in my shaving kit by throwing its contents out the window while The B-Man and I were occupied elsewhere. For weeks, The B-Man had been regaling us with wonderful stories about B&R and we were very excited about meeting them. When he informed Briter he couldn’t come with us because, well, for instance, this incident, Briter didn’t seem to mind so much—mild pouting and absolutely no poo flinging. Which is kind of odd…I think he had a secret plan all along.

What could we do? I was just thankful he was zipped up in my shaving kit and not hiding in my clothes. Do you know how hard it is to get stale monkey smell out of your clothes? B&R took us all on a tour of the Cream City.

Our first stop was the Vici Beauty School where Ron is some big ol’ mucky-muck and helped in the construction and design and wrote the school’s official song and directs their yearly “Milwaukee Fresh Hair Days” pageant, as well. Ron is what we call multi-talented.

The school is jaw droppingly beautiful and modern without being cold and impersonal at all. It has a cafe and a waterfall in the lobby. Briter disappeared and we found him asking a wig head out for a smoke behind the baseball field after school got out.

The building also had some large statues called Beasties which Briter loved to climb on. Unfortunately, our trip to the school was cut short when Security asked us to leave because Briter started humping one of them.

We went downtown to the Milwaukee River riverwalk. It’s very pretty. Milwaukee is a surpisingly clean city for one of its size. Plus it’s home to the Allen-Bradley clock tower, the world’s largest four-sided clock! Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley (my favorite sit-com ever) took place here. It’s also where The International Clown Hall of Fame is which we had to skip since Briter’s kind of afraid of clowns.

Briter had been whining about wanting to take pictures with our camera so we gave it to him. He took one crappy picture of of our friend Rhonda waving from her office window and then we had to go back home to get the peanut butter out of the camera.

That’s when we met R&B’s version of Briter, Leo. Oh, what a little scallywag he is. Funny thing is, he and Briter just didn’t get along well and since we’re the guests here we decided to Fed-Ex Briter back home by hiding him inside a can of coffee, being illegal to ship monkeys across state lines, and all. It was his idea, BTW.

Rhonda and Amy and Bob and Ronny and The B-Man and I stayed up late that night sharing stories and laughing over our little troublemakers. Isn’t that what good friends do? Share stories and laugh? I think so. And now I have four new best friends to do it with.

Thank you B&R&A&R for our wonderful vacation to Milwaukee!